Murdoch doesn’t feel gone

I LITERALLY just got home from my quickie trip to Camp Pendleton, CA┬áto say goodbye to my little brother, Travis who left for Afghanistan early this morning. I went with my mom and his girlfriend Tuty. I was really excited about this trip because it was the first time my mom would be going to the LA area and being able to enjoy it for maybe just a day…….which didn’t happen.

But something that made it better was late last nite my dad surprised us all and flew in to say goodbye to Travis as well. Had a great time all being together laughing & joking around with our last moments with Travis, since he’ll be gone for 7 months.

Well like I said earlier I LITERALLY just got home from the airport and the first thing I do EVERYTIME I come home from a trip is to run into the kitchen area and hug one of my favorite people in the whole god damn world…………my dog, Murdoch.

Upon entering the room I immediately know he’s not there, because he would of been at the gate waiting for me and he wasn’t. So I calming say ‘he’s not here’ which my mom is all like ‘what do u mean he’s not here?!’ If you guys follow me on Twitter then you would know this is pretty normal, Murdoch tends to run away when he’s scared (like during thunderstorms)…….looking for me :(

The first thought in my head was that I’d have to deal with the pound cuz they might of picked him up (those people are ASSHOLES), my mom & I start calling him from the backyard and in one of our neighbors’ back yards was a screened in patio with the lights on and EVERY TIME we’d scream Murdoch’s name 3 different dogs, including one that sounded EXACTLY LIKE MURDOCH would start barking.

And this isn’t normal Murdoch barking (which he rarely does) this is the OMG I’M STUCK I CANT GET TO YOU COME GET ME RIGHT NOW type of hysterical barking he has done a few times over the years. So then my dad checks the voicemails to see if anyone had found him and called to tell us.

After a few minutes he handed my mom the phone who then made a O_O face, which I said, “I dont like the face you’re making”, so I stood there watching her listen and at one point she pulled the phone away from her ear and said, “he’s dead” and then went back to listening, which I immediately was like, “UM EXCUSE ME – WHAT?!”

And kept yelling ‘what?!’ at her until she replayed the voicemail and gave me the phone.

I heard a man’s voice saying that he had found our dog on the road hit by a car, that SHE was dead and that he gave HER a proper burial, but just wanted to let us know that our dog was no longer with us but has gone up to the big dog heaven in the sky.

I can’t even describe to you what happened next, because to be honest I really don’t remember, it was like an outer body experience. All I do know is that I was standing in my room with my hoodie over my head trying to make myself breath but I couldnt exhale at all.

Then when I finally did I did like a gasp choke type of thing and started bawling………..but it was a weird cry, because I dunno like I was sad, but it was like I didnt understand why I was sad because it didn’t seem real at all.

Like Murdoch doesn’t feel dead to me at all………then plus with the dogs barking when we called his name earlier and the shady ass voicemail I dunno it just all seems wrong.

Like something IS wrong, but he’s not dead, so I’m sitting here confused with the feelings I think I should be having but don’t.

The whole thing just sounds like someone took him and am trying to cover the tracks, because on the voicemail they didn’t leave their name, their number or where they found him or where they buried him.

It’s just all so fucking weird.

But then it’s like you don’t want yourself to get clungy to that idea because if it turns out being false and he really is dead, then the heart I own is as good as dead.

I just got off the phone with Leilani which helped alot because she loved Murdoch almost as much as me, so we ended up just talking about him and stuff I would make him say and going through his hilarious pics on his myspace & facebook (http://www.myspace.com/mrmurdoch & http://www.facebook.com/mystermurdoch).

So the plan so far is tomorrow my mom is gonna call the number back from the caller id and try and get some more info……so we can go unbury Murdoch and bring him home and bury him next to his brothers Homi & Jack, instead of in some stranger’s yard.

But I’m hoping & praying that instead of doing that, that it ends up not being true and I get to see his sweet dazzling face again.

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